I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She's the barista slut.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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