She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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