I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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