please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
