I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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