oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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