i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
