She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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