I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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