I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm like, not good at living.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
