I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
