just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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