Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
