DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
