so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
