so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
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No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
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I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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