hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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