Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
