i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
