I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
