Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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