all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
