i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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