$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
