mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
