how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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