I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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