I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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