you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
