Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
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the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
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I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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