come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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