some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
