I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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