the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
