Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
