If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
