ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
