you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
