week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
