I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
