you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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