omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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