Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
