I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
