Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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