Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
