i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I supernannyed him into submission
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