dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
