So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
