My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
