Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
