We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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