guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize