it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
