Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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