ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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