I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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