She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
