Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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