I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
