Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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