I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
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