PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
