I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
