WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
