toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
